


Dear Cas,

by SociopathicHeart



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-01
Updated: 2015-01-01
Packaged: 2018-03-04 20:10:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3087467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SociopathicHeart/pseuds/SociopathicHeart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>its the letter Dean wrote Cas after his death in twist and shout.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Cas,

Dear Cas,

The first time I saw you in that party, looking all awkward and out of place, I knew you were the one. And I was right. God, I was so right.  
I couldn't help falling in love with you, Cas. I didn't care if their bibles said it was a sin or that they were disgusted by us, like your friend Hester. I loved you much, I always have and always will. I know you said I shouldn't feel guilty but I couldn't help feeling that either.   
Everytime I put an Elvis record and it plays our song, I can't help the smile on my face as I remember than I can dig Elvis because of you and your love for romantic songs. You were always so romantic, my darling. And you have changed me in ways no one would. That smile on my face isn't a smile of happiness, it holds so much more instead. It holds the intensity of our love, that huge ball of energy that I thought would conquer the world, open the society's eyes and give us the happily ever after we deserved. I was so young and foolish, and so God damn wrong.   
That smile holds the agony of my loss, it reflects the black hole inside of me that sucks every ounce of happiness I have left, and trust me that ain't many.   
That black hole leaves me numb, senseless, and urges me to give it all up. But then I remember our beach, I remember your blue gems as they took in the breath-taking scene. How ecstatic you looked when you announced our love to the sea with all its waves and creatures. I also remember your smile as I showed you that video as you lay dying in your hospital bed. You recognized me, Cas. You recognized us. Even though the doctor has told me your memories are slipping away. Our love was the only thing left etched into your memories and your heart.   
I'm so sorry Cas, I cannot tell you how sorry I am. That war stole me away and never brought me back again. I lost a part of me there, I lost us.   
I broke my vow to a young man, he was as young as my Sammy and I saw him die in front of my eyes, held him as he bled to death, his eyes open but unseeing. I was never the same after that, I don't think any one could have been. That, and the nightmares that held terrors the human mind could not simply handle. I had nightmares of me killing you, Cas. And in the end, I did. I'm so sorry for that. I could not apologize enough for everything I did, for all the promises I broke, for all the dreams I've shattered.  
But that doesn't matter anymore. I'm writing this to tell you that I'll be able to make one last promise come true. I promised I will always come back to you, and I will, very soon.   
I have been feeling severe chest aches and after Sam nagged me about it for months, I finally went in for a check up, for his sake. I have nothing to live for anymore. The results were stage four lung cancer, Cas. It will soon end, in a few weeks or less. I guess you were right about those cigarettes huh? You were always right about everything, darling.   
I was so happy when the results came out, I couldn't handle a life without you any longer. I'm looking forward for us meeting again, to be able to kiss you under the moonlight and dance on the beach on our song. So take my hand, Cas, take my whole life too, for I can't help falling in love with you. 

Dean.   
              See you then. 


End file.
